A Christian Friend to Walk With You

by Heather Smith, Pastoral Care Coordinator

It was so nice to have the opportunity to share my feelings about a personally stressful situation with a trained listener. I had lost sleep, was abrupt with my husband and daughter, and was feeling alienated from my neighbors. The worst part of the whole thing, was that this issue wasn’t really a crisis at all, just a normal life stressor. But I had lost sight of the bigger picture and was feeling hurt.

I was walking out of my Stephen Ministry supervision meeting feeling a bit better, when one of my fellow Stephen Ministers pulled me aside and asked me how I was feeling. She simply listened. She heard my anger, resentment, and pain, and simply listened. She gently reflected back these feelings and reminded me that God was still there. She didn’t offer guidance, answers, or opinions. Truly, she just listened. And, I slept well that night. Oh, I was still angry the next morning and still had a sense of hurt about the whole thing. But, I saw a glimmer of hope that this situation would work itself out and that I could move through my feelings.  And at that time, that was what I really needed.

I experienced first hand the power of Stephen Ministry. Stephen Ministers are caring and formally trained lay people who provide faith-based support for others who are experiencing difficult circumstances. They commit themselves to confidentiality, disclosing no identifying information about anyone receiving their support. They do not attempt to take the place of clergy, counselors, or mental health and medical professionals. Rather, they supplement professional care by offering compassion, Christian companionship and spiritual support. They meet regularly with their peer supervision group, stay connected to Jesus, and trust that he will stay connected to them in their care-giving relationship.

We are very blessed to have a full team of commissioned Stephen Ministers at St. Thomas. During difficult times of transition or stress, Stephen Ministers can be especially helpful to those who are experiencing a job crisis, birth or adoption, parenting issues, serious illness, relocation, grief from a death or serious loss, aging and end of life issues, long term disability, separation or divorce, or a spiritual crisis. And as I learned from my own experience, they can be especially helpful for the common non-crisis “rough patches” everyone encounters in life.

You can support this Ministry program at St. Thomas by praying for both Stephen Ministers and Leaders as they provide Christian care to others. Pray for all who are receiving confidential care. Tell other parishioners that Stephen Ministers are available to assist in times of trouble and encourage others in the parish to notify the clergy of their need for a Stephen Minister. Ask for a Stephen Minister when you are in need of support. Consider becoming a Stephen Minister yourself.

One bishop's reflection on Arizona and immigration

Recently the House of Bishops held its annual meeting, this time in Phoenix, Arizona. This was a prophetic place to meet, with all the press surrounding Arizona’s new immigration law. Bishop Mark Beckwith of Newark submitted this reflection to his diocese and to all of us.

Take comfort in rituals

Eagle-eyed shutterbug Claudia Ballheim caught this photo the other day.

Personally, I’ve been finding comfort in this very ritual. As the weather turns cooler, it feels great to stop by the coffee shop for a tall mocha on my way to work. It’s bad for my health, my bank account, and my self-discipline. But it sure is yummy having dessert for breakfast! And besides, God, at least I’m not like those other people who need to have a grande or a venti. Aren't I righteous?

 “Take comfort in rituals.” In what rituals do you take comfort? Why? And are there rituals that do more than merely comfort you? Are there rituals that actually challenge you to grow?

Kickoff Sunday events @ st. thomas!

Kickoff Sunday @ st. thomas
Here’s what’s happening this Sunday!

Welcome, Karen!
Please join us after the 10:15 am service this Sunday, September 12, for a special coffee hour welcoming the Rev. Karen Haig, who joined the St. Thomas staff on September 1.

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Sunday Forum
September 12
9:15 am
Our Sunday Forums resume with The State of St. Thomas. Father Lex Breckinridge will talk about about St. Thomas Church’s accomplishments in 2010 and goals for 2011. There will be plenty of time for questions and answers.

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Childcare Hours Extended
beginning September 12
9:00 am on
Childcare will now be available every Sunday beginning at 9:00 a.m. This will make it easier for parents to attend the Sunday forum! Also, expect childcare for most special events this fall, including the newcomer series, capital stewardship campaign events, and our upcoming Wednesday night series (to begin in December).

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Kids help make church happen!
Those in 3rd grade and up are invited to join the Acolytes, the Choristers, or the Youth Ensemble. Contact information for Acolytes: Jan Wang -- Choristers: Marion Anderson -- Youth Ensemble: Paul Johnson

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Sunday School (pre-K - 5th grade)
September 12
10:15 am
Sunday School meets in three separate age groups each week during the first part of the 10:15 Eucharist: Preschool (pre-K/K) in St. Thomas School, Primary (grades 1-2) in the Conference Room, and Intermediate (grades 3-5) in the Parkside Room. Contact Josh Hosler for details, and to get onto the Sunday school email list.

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The Seekers (grades 6-8)
September 12
10:15 am in the Library
Today, the Seekers begin their quest! Middle schoolers know that church contains many mysteries. Let’s seek them together. Our group is for youth in grades 6-8. Our first monthly meeting is today during the 10:15 church service, in the library. Tammy Waddell and Josh Hosler are technically in charge, but it’s your group. Is it Sunday school? Sort of … if you like Hogwarts on the weekend. Come try it out. Let’s see what we can uncover …

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Kids’ Club (grades 3-5)
September 12
11:30 am in the Conference Room
Kids’ Club (grades 3-5) meets today after the 10:15 service. This “youth group for the younger set” meets monthly for fellowship and service projects. Lunch included! Come find us in the Conference Room.

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Smile for the Camera!

In the coming weeks, you might see a photographer at your gathering or walking around outside or inside the St. Thomas buildings. This is perfectly OK! We are collecting pictures of the people, places, and activities here in preparation for the upcoming Capital Stewardship Campaign. If you do not want your picture used in any of the many publications and presentations under way, simply let the photographer know.

On being serious and having fun

It seems I'm always hearing people tell kids there's a time to "be serious" and a time to "have fun" -- as if the two were opposites.

"Being serious" and "being silly" are opposites, to be sure. Nothing is more annoying than somebody being silly in a situation that requires some degree of tact and care. But "being serious" and "having fun" go together naturally for kids, and we do them a disservice when we tell them otherwise.

For example:  have you ever watched a child build something out of Legos? His concentration is something to behold. He filters through the box of Legos looking for the one that will fit just right. My brother Seth used to do this for hours. He would create Lego Transformers: yes, they were Lego robots that turned into cars, and back again! And he would build them from scratch, always working on the next idea. Not once did he act silly while engaged in this serious, focused effort.

What does this have to do with church? Everything. I spend a lot of energy reminding people that we do want children to be in church. If they don’t come to church as children, they certainly won’t come to church as adults. In a culture where kids make up their mind as early as the 3^rd grade about whether they want church to play a role in their lives—and have many, many other Sunday morning opportunities ready to vie for their time and energy—the unspoken messages we give our children about church attendance matter. If we don’t attend, they won’t attend. And if we attend but don’t bring them with us, the message is that church is only for adults. In my family, Sunday is more commonly called “Church Day.” It’s what we always do that day of the week, with very few exceptions.

Now, of course, different kids have different attention spans. We hold childcare and Sunday school during the first part of the service so kids can have an age-appropriate time in addition to multi-generational time. But time in church is our children’s primary faith formation—and it’s ours, too, as adults.

Occasionally a parishioner will complain to me about kids “misbehaving” in church. I patiently remind them that we don’t seek to rescue kids from immaturity. We allow them to be the age they are, knowing that our faithfulness to them as they grow up is the most important thing we can offer them. Their presence at the table is crucial. Over time, they will learn how to be quieter in church—just not yet.

I also field a lot of anxiety from parents who want to have their children in church but find it too much of a challenge. They’ve spent the whole week with their kids and want a little break to replenish the spiritual energy. I’m with you completely! So I have an idea: share your children. On a week when you have more energy, invite another child into your pew, and offer the crayons that have been lovingly provided and kept stocked by our 6-year-old “Crayon Ministry Coordinator,” Carter Chorlton. The next week, ask if your child would like to sit with a friend from Sunday school.

This Sunday, we’re replacing the old pieces of paper that said “For kids to draw on” with new ones that say “I Wonder” and “A Note to God.” Kids and adults are invited to keep their hands busy by writing on them and dropping them into the collection plate as it passes by.

Furthermore, we’re launching a new group for middle schoolers this week called “The Seekers.” Something like a Sunday school class, this group will spend most Sundays in church taking notes about things they wonder and things they notice. Then, once a month, they’ll meet during the Sunday school time and learn together about the things they noticed and wondered. Understanding what we do in church goes a long way toward making church interesting rather than boring.

I find our time in church to be both very serious and very fun. Serious play is what makes me feel most at home—I’m playing, but it means something more than just silliness. I think all liturgy should be like that.

The Complacent Christian

By Paul Birkeland, Community Life Center Building Committee co-Chair

We St. Thomas folks live good lives – Andy of Mayberry would be proud. Perfect people, living in perfect homes with perfect families; as Garrison Keillor would say, “Everyone above average.” Life is good for most of us, better than we would ever have imagined. We have our families and friends, our social circles, our golf buddies, our bridge clubs, book clubs, and investing clubs. We travel extensively and winter either in a top tier ski area or in the sun. Life is good, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Or is it?

Scratch the surface a bit, and we have our issues. Divorce sneaks into our perfect families and ruins things. Kids go a bit wild and we wonder what kind of parents we have been. The stock market and real estate market tank at absolutely the wrong time, and we are left wondering how we could have been so naive about prices/values continuing to escalate at unsustainable levels. Loved ones die early, or linger with Alzheimer’s or other dreaded diseases, and we wonder how God could allow that! Our advanced degrees suddenly have left us unimaginably vulnerable to all these things, and we are bewildered to the point of despair. Where did we go wrong? What happened? Nobody told us to expect this. Now what? Where should we turn for advice and counsel? We are lost.

Sound familiar? Many have written sociological tomes on all of these issues, but most miss the most fundamental point of all – namely, we are indeed pretty helpless and subject to the whims of the marketplace, our jobs, our relationships. and the many temptations life throws at us. As Pogo so famously put it maybe 60 years ago: “We have met the enemy, and he is us!”

But there is an answer if we just pull back and listen to our hearts. God has created all of us in His own image and has imbued all of us with His grace. All we have to do is accept that grace, freely given, and life takes on new meaning. We are His creatures, and we are here to serve Him. What a novel idea, but it is transformative. We become free when we accept God’s grace.

Now you ask, what in the world does that have to do with the Parish Life Center? Everything, that is all. If we accept that grace and if we thus become free, we also become free to share ourselves with our fellow human beings and free to practice the “hospitality of God.” We are all here for a purpose, and lowering the old handicap isn’t quite it. What is that purpose?

I pondered that when I wrote the obituary for my late wife, Joyce, who died from breast cancer a year ago, and the most meaningful thought came over me. She left the world a better place than she found it. She helped many people and did so very quietly. She served many causes and was known around the community for her generosity. She had a heart of gold. Her purpose was to share the many gifts God had given her, and she did so on a grand scale. And as I reflected further on this, I thought of the many devout Episcopalians who have gone before us at St. Thomas – among them the Clapps, Radfords, Helsells, and many others who donated the land and made significant contributions to make St. Thomas the place it is today. They were not complacent by any means, and they made a difference.

We the living have that same challenge. Are we leaving this world a better place? How so? I believe the new Parish Life Center at St. Thomas will serve many needs in our community – from child care services to Boy Scouts, from sheltering the homeless to a new Sunday School, from providing an emergency community shelter to providing a place for our teenagers to hang out, from serving Al Anon to welcoming nearly 500 AA attendees every week to providing more useful spaces for receptions and community meetings, and, of course, space for Bible study. Spaces will be brighter with better heating and cooling, better sound proofing; numerous activities can take place at the same time, the facility will be high tech, etc. And we will have expanded spaces for a much richer Sunday School experience. Hurray! These are real solutions to real needs, and this project will be an incredible asset to our community at large.

You can make a difference; you can help leave the world a better place by becoming a part of this Parish Life Center project. We need you to be a part of it. For many, becoming a part of the Parish Life Center will be their way of “making a difference” by serving God and “practicing the hospitality of God.” I would call it the end of complacency. Wouldn’t you?

To end with my favorite phrase: “Thanks be to God.”