On being serious and having fun

It seems I'm always hearing people tell kids there's a time to "be serious" and a time to "have fun" -- as if the two were opposites.

"Being serious" and "being silly" are opposites, to be sure. Nothing is more annoying than somebody being silly in a situation that requires some degree of tact and care. But "being serious" and "having fun" go together naturally for kids, and we do them a disservice when we tell them otherwise.

For example:  have you ever watched a child build something out of Legos? His concentration is something to behold. He filters through the box of Legos looking for the one that will fit just right. My brother Seth used to do this for hours. He would create Lego Transformers: yes, they were Lego robots that turned into cars, and back again! And he would build them from scratch, always working on the next idea. Not once did he act silly while engaged in this serious, focused effort.

What does this have to do with church? Everything. I spend a lot of energy reminding people that we do want children to be in church. If they don’t come to church as children, they certainly won’t come to church as adults. In a culture where kids make up their mind as early as the 3^rd grade about whether they want church to play a role in their lives—and have many, many other Sunday morning opportunities ready to vie for their time and energy—the unspoken messages we give our children about church attendance matter. If we don’t attend, they won’t attend. And if we attend but don’t bring them with us, the message is that church is only for adults. In my family, Sunday is more commonly called “Church Day.” It’s what we always do that day of the week, with very few exceptions.

Now, of course, different kids have different attention spans. We hold childcare and Sunday school during the first part of the service so kids can have an age-appropriate time in addition to multi-generational time. But time in church is our children’s primary faith formation—and it’s ours, too, as adults.

Occasionally a parishioner will complain to me about kids “misbehaving” in church. I patiently remind them that we don’t seek to rescue kids from immaturity. We allow them to be the age they are, knowing that our faithfulness to them as they grow up is the most important thing we can offer them. Their presence at the table is crucial. Over time, they will learn how to be quieter in church—just not yet.

I also field a lot of anxiety from parents who want to have their children in church but find it too much of a challenge. They’ve spent the whole week with their kids and want a little break to replenish the spiritual energy. I’m with you completely! So I have an idea: share your children. On a week when you have more energy, invite another child into your pew, and offer the crayons that have been lovingly provided and kept stocked by our 6-year-old “Crayon Ministry Coordinator,” Carter Chorlton. The next week, ask if your child would like to sit with a friend from Sunday school.

This Sunday, we’re replacing the old pieces of paper that said “For kids to draw on” with new ones that say “I Wonder” and “A Note to God.” Kids and adults are invited to keep their hands busy by writing on them and dropping them into the collection plate as it passes by.

Furthermore, we’re launching a new group for middle schoolers this week called “The Seekers.” Something like a Sunday school class, this group will spend most Sundays in church taking notes about things they wonder and things they notice. Then, once a month, they’ll meet during the Sunday school time and learn together about the things they noticed and wondered. Understanding what we do in church goes a long way toward making church interesting rather than boring.

I find our time in church to be both very serious and very fun. Serious play is what makes me feel most at home—I’m playing, but it means something more than just silliness. I think all liturgy should be like that.