Psalm 42:6. Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul? And
why are you so disquieted within me?
This beautiful psalm
is written by someone who is in deep despair and who describes her soul as
being so “heavy” and “disquieted” that she cries out for help. She is literally
drowning in her own sorrows and feels very anxious and alone and doesn’t know
where to turn. The text is really a conversation she is having with herself,
asking many questions, “why do I feel like this?”, “how can I get some
relief?”, “what can satisfy this longing?”. Having a really deep desire or
longing can make you feel so anxious and restless. It’s like a thirst that
can’t be quenched, or a hole, or something you feel you’re missing.
At first I thought
this was just a sad lament, a song of despair, heaviness and sorrow. But upon
more reflection, I now see this passage as a love song. The psalmist is saying,
“I am far from you now God, probably due to my own foolishness and wanderings.
I thought I could fill up my soul with worldly things, but now I’m miserable. I
need you, God. Please come be with me and help me quiet my troubled soul!”
I think we’ve all felt
a longing like this at times and have tried various things to soothe that
feeling of emptiness. Some distractions work for a while, but we are usually
left feeling pretty empty. I hope during Lent, when I feel empty or anxious or
even despairing, that I will recognize it as my need for God in my life.
Instead of trying to fill my desire with self-importance, excess, or ego-driven
things, I will recognize the longing I feel as a deep need for a relationship
with the Divine Lover. When things feel heavy and unsettled, I’ll try to
remember to seek out the only true refreshment for my soul. In the midst of my
sorrow, I will sing a love song to God.
—Catherine
Blundell
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