Mark 14:36. [Jesus said], “Not what I want, but what you
want.”
There are times when I forget just how human Jesus was.
All of our talk of miracles, resurrection, his deep and intimate relationship
with God the Father…I can make Jesus out in my head to be something he surely
was not. Certainly Jesus was not any ordinary human being—he was Emmanuel, God
with us; the eternal Word made flesh; God’s only begotten Son—but we cannot
forget that his humanity led to all the grief, hurt, sorrows, anxieties, and
the joys that we experience.
Disconnected from the verses that come immediately before,
the verse for today can lead us to seeing the soon to be crucified Jesus as a
stoic and eager participant in his death. What we miss in this one verse is the
agony, heartbreak, and fear that led Jesus to tell his disciples, “I am deeply
grieved, even to death…” (14:34). And we miss Jesus’ plea, “Abba, Father, for
you all things are possible; remove this cup from me…” The surrender to God’s
will, the openness to what will come, letting go…these come after the agony and
the honesty of “I don’t want to do this.” But it is only in surrender, only in
opening up to God’s will, that we find the hope of resurrection.
The resurrection that comes in a few days is only possible
because Jesus let go. Loss, grief, even death always precede resurrection. As I
think about my own life, there are certainly things that I hold to with a tight
grip—unwilling to let go and surrender to God’s will. I want what comes at the
end of the story, I want resurrection and new life, but without the agony of
saying, “Not what I want, but what you want.” May God give us all the grace and
courage to let go so that we may experience something new.
—Brian
Gregory
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