Mark 6:37. But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.”
Much of my life has been geared toward flying solo. I grew up placing high value on being self-sufficient, self-reliant, to ‘go-it-alone’. Most of my life decisions have been made with a “take care of yourself” mentality. “Let them go and buy something for themselves to eat,” the disciples say in this reading from Mark. I hear my own voice in that comment.
I struggle with relying on God in my faith journey. I find great irony in the fact that I desire a faith-filled life, and yet I want to be in control and live a self-reliant life. Today I find myself taking refuge in my own life experiences and relying on my own limited knowledge. I find that, in my desire to be in control, I am living into an attitude of scarcity rather than living out an attitude of abundance.
It is hard for me to live into Jesus’ call to us. On this side of the resurrection, God’s love toward us is made manifold by sharing His love in community. This approach does not come naturally to me. Being the introverted person that I am, living in community really pushes my boundaries. My natural inclination is to retreat to a safe place within myself and intellectualize about Jesus’ calling for my life. I want to seek out that solitary, deserted place - and live there.
As we read in Mark 6:30-44, there can be time for rest and introspection. But, we are not called to live forever in that quiet place of retreat. Eventually we are called to act. We are called to have compassion and feed the five thousand. “You give them something to eat,” Jesus says. We are challenged to go out into the world, bearing and sharing our God-given gifts, talents, and time for the benefit of all. I mustn’t hoard my gifts, or my thoughts. When we share with others, we see the miracle of God’s gifts multiply unconditionally. When we open our hearts and our hands, we can let go and share. We make room for the miracle of abundance that allows our community to be filled – and still take up twelve baskets, above and beyond.
In this Lenten season, I am reflecting on this holy, mysterious miracle. I am being challenged to let go of my self-reliant ways, so that I may free myself to share more abundantly with my faith community. With God, five loaves and two fish can multiply infinitely more than we can ever imagine.
— Russ Borgmann
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